Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just gargled with NyQuil
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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