How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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