I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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