I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
