This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
