Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
