sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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