Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
