We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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