Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
