Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
where are my eyebrows?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
