Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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