You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
