shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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