Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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