if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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