just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
