maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
