Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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