I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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