i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
