And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
