thus making me awesome and them whores
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
