this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
