this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
