Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
