went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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