Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
