I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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