JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
