So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Your cock deserves a montage
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
