I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
wow bdsm is so cute
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
