I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
