i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
