can we get nightvision for the apartment?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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