Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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