I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm just crazy horny about you
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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