I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
