I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
