Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
