Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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