I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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