I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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