her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
