Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
