Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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