In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
