Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
