I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
