you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
