she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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